Shirley Chisholm, the first Black woman elected to the U.S. Congress, made history in 1972 when she ran for president and had an astonishing interaction with George Wallace, pro-segregationist governor of Alabama at the time. Her efforts to build bridges with Wallace ended up changing his perspective. The photo shows her delivering a speech at Laney Community College during her presidential campaign. Deep divisions and conflicts are currently tearing apart societies globally, including personal relationships. The ongoing violence in Israel and Gaza has led to heated discussions among friends, families, and strangers. These conflicts are compounded by increasing divisions in the U.S., such as debates over gun control, policing, abortion, and other social and political issues. Experts studying the intersection of conflict and human behavior argue that understanding the biology behind these toxic interactions is crucial. Being aware of our ingrained impulses can help us defuse volatile situations. Some exceptional individuals, including Nelson Mandela and U.S. Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm, have mastered this skill and changed the course of history. It is essential to comprehend our hard-wired response as humans. Research shows that we are naturally inclined to form strong bonds with groups that could potentially protect us from external threats. Olga Klimecki, a neurology researcher at the University of Jena in Germany, explains that brain scans demonstrate how social identity strongly influences our emotional reactions to situations. For instance, if we witness a member of our own group in pain, our brain elicits empathy. On the contrary, when an adversary experiences pain, the empathetic region of the brain is less active, sometimes leading to feelings of malicious joy or schadenfreude. Our ability to empathize is influenced by our social affiliations based on various factors such as race, ethnicity, religion, or politics. Furthermore, conflict dampens our brain’s capacity for affection. Studies indicate that couples who have just argued exhibit reduced brain activity in regions associated with attachment and fondness. So, how can we address this issue? Tim Phillips, an experienced conflict-resolution expert involved in negotiations for some of history’s most contentious conflicts, such as religious clashes in Northern Ireland and the establishment of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, points out that our evolutionary instincts shape how we engage in conflicts both at personal and global levels. Though not a neuroscientist himself, Phillips believes that understanding how our brains function is crucial. Neglecting this aspect often leads to fruitless attempts at resolution. Conflict intensifies and escalates rapidly when our core values, social identity, or people we care about are threatened. Phillips suggests that defusing an escalating situation involves disarming a brain dominated by defensive emotions. This entails acknowledging the importance of the opposing viewpoint, respecting their sacred values, and recognizing their humanity. By countering negative assumptions and demonization, toxic polarization can be reduced. Phillips cites Nelson Mandela’s approach when he was released from 27 years of political imprisonment and referred to President F.W. de Klerk, who played a role in his captivity, as an “honorable man”. This surprising display of grace had a profound impact on de Klerk and laid the foundation for their collaboration in ending apartheid. A lesser-known example is Shirley Chisholm’s visit to George Wallace, her political rival and a fierce segregationist, after an assassination attempt. Chisholm prayed for Wallace’s recovery at his hospital bedside, which allegedly led to a transformative change in Wallace’s stance on racial segregation. These approaches also apply on a smaller scale. Phillips recounts how he used these methods to repair a damaged friendship due to sharp political differences. By expressing respect for his friend’s viewpoint and understanding the social context that shaped it, he was able to prompt his friend to reconsider his own rigid stance. Stress reduction also plays a role in handling conflict better. Taking “microbreaks” during heated arguments helps regain perspective, and measures like adequate sleep, deep breathing, or focusing on positive thoughts can counter chronic stress and enhance rational thinking. Ultimately, these techniques aim to keep dialogue open with loved ones and friends, even in the face of disagreement.